The Cheerleader Wars- Ranking the Whole SEC


Still some of you wonder why I didn’t just write this column instead of first ranking the divisions.  Well first ranking the divisions gives me smaller rankings which makes it easier to build to these rankings.  Second it lets me fix a mistake if upon further thought I want to raise or lower a squad from the divisions.  And finally, its because I get to post three days of cheerleader pictures instead of one.  So why are you complaining, what are you some kind of cheerleader hating communist.


And with that, lets get to the rankings.

14. Mississippi St.- Come on you knew it was coming.  Let’s just say a Bless Your Hearts for trying to these girls and move on.

13. Missouri- Seriously, Missouri how do you even look at yourselves in the mirror.

12. Texas A&M- As we pointed out in the division rankings, A&M really shows that picking their female cheerleaders is not a high priority in College Station.  While I might not want to face these girls in a bar fight, winning this competition will not be happening for them.

11.Vanderbilt- Vandy gets credit here for trying, for being all the Vandy they can be.  Plus one of the most attractive girls in my law school class went to Vandy, so I give them a bit of extra credit here.

10. Arkansas- Ok now is where we have to start making some tough choices, and while you don’t need to holler whoo pig souiee, they aren’t breaking into the top half of this conference.

9. Kentucky- These next two are just groups I had higher hopes for, between all the photos of Ashley Judd…

8. Ole Miss- And just the legendary stories of the women of The Grove, I had higher hopes.  Maybe as my SEC contact says, it’s not simply about the cheerleaders down south.  In any event these squads fell short.

7. Florida- Maybe I was hoping for a squad full of Erin Andrews.  Maybe I was hoping their cheer squad all wore jorts.  Whatever it was, I just didn’t find myself thinking it was all that great to be a Florida Gator.

6. Tennessee- Now things are even tougher, because I like this Tennessee squad, all blonde and orange and so very happy.  It’s so hard to leave you ranked here.

5. Auburn- I know this is going to be hard for Auburn fans and they’ll essentially claim it’s a ‘Bama conspiracy to keep them down.  But I just didn’t feel I could rank them higher.

4. South Carolina- Probably a higher than expected result for these girls.  But little hard bodies who love to scream GO COCKS, will get you A LONG WAY with this here blogger.

3. Georgia- Don’t the Georiga Cheerleaders feel like a Mark Richt coached football team?  Talent enough to win the whole thing yet somehow poor play calling and clock management is going to screw it up.

2. LSU- I look at these ladies and I just want to bury my face in some Etouffee.  Spicy Food and Humidity is clearly good for something.

1. Alabama- I’m even less happy about this than I was two days ago.  But when a squad has amazing talent and executes effectively, what is a boy gonna do.