Everything You’ve Ever Wanted to Know About Oregon State

Oregon State was once fully owned by the Freemasons.  After it was designated the Agricultural College of Oregon, they began genetic research in mice.  Two of these mice, one a genius, the other insane, would attempt to take over the world each night.  And for those of you too young to get that reference, I give you this…

Oregon St. University was not designated a University until 1961.  It wasn’t until the late 1980’s however that Oregon St. made sure they offered only free range, organic diplomas.

Oregon St.’s original mascot was Jimmy the Coyote, it was then changed to Benny Beaver.  And isn’t doing that so an Oregon thing to do.

Their football stadium is named for the makers of sub-par Potato Salad.

How weird is it that Gary Payton played here?  It’s even stranger that his final game in an Oregon St. uniform was in the Huntsman Center against Ball St., a team coached by Dick Hunsaker and recruited by Rick Majerus.

Mike Riley is 77-63 at Oregon St. and that makes him their winningest coach.

Oregon St.’s last Rose Bowl was 1965, their coach was Tommy Prothro.  Of course if you mention Tommy Prothro, no one remembers he coached at Oregon St., because UCLA stole him.  Which is so UCLA.

Oddly as terrible as Oregon St. has been at football, they have Heisman Trophy winner.  Terry Baker in 1962.  The player who finished 10th that year was Eldon Fortie, who played at BYU.  I mention this because I’m surprised Eldon Fortie isn’t mentioned in that list BYU fans are forced to memorize and then throw at you to prove BYU is the bestest.  Maybe its because Fortie played football at BYU more than a decade before LaVell Edwards invented football.

As a side note to that 1962 Heisman race, the SEC were total douches back then as well.  Terry Baker won two regions, finished 3rd and 4th in two other regions and didn’t make the top five in the South.

And I mention that because, do you know how hard it is to make fun of Oregon St.  Their football tradition is awful, their hoops tradition is Gary Payton and they are forced to make due in the shadow of the University of Nike.  They’re trying to fight back with money from a guy whose company makes bad deli salad.  I just feel sad for these poor bastards and would be happy for them if they weren’t about to destroy my beloved Utes.

Plus Mike Riley is a really nice guy and a good coach.

So yeah, this edition is lame and I’ve got nothing.

And before any of you want to make any stupid beaver jokes and giggle like Beavis and Butthead, they’ve heard them all.

Don’t judge me.