Utah Football: Why Travis Wilson Isn’t Playing More

We here at Hoyo’s Revenge are known for our hard-hitting investigative journalism and this piece will be no exception.  Here is an transcript of an audio recording from Utah’s football practice.  It will demonstrate why we’re seeing so little of Travis Wilson up to this point.

Coach Whittingham: Get Wilson in here for some reps.  WILSON.

Travis Wilson: (To The Players Around Him)  Did I tell you guys that Jordan Wynn’s girlfriend showed me her whipped cream bikini last night?

Whittingham: WILSON DAMNIT GET IN HERE.

Wilson: Coming Coach.

Whittingham: What do you have crap in your ears?  Show us you can run the offense.

Wilson: No Problem

Wilson: (Huddling w/ team) Ok guys we’re going to change it up a bit, we’re going to run the OOOP DE OOOP.

Dres Anderson:  What the hell is the Ooop De Ooop

Wilson:  Miss Valley St. averaged 44 PPG with this, 4 receivers to one side and we isolate Tweeter on the other side one on one.

Dres: Who the hell is Tweeter.

Wilson:  Kenneth Scott, you be Tweeter

Devonte Christopher: Why can’t I be Tweeter

Dres: Why the hell can’t I be Tweeter

Wilson: Because you can’t all be Tweeter now just run it.

(The team runs to the line)

Whittingham: (blowing whistle) What the hell is that.

Wilson: The Ooop De Ooop, Miss Valley St avergaed…

Whittingham:  You are the dumbest smart kid I know, you run the plays I call.  We are a running team.

Brian Johnson: Don’t I call the plays.

Whittingham: Whatever.

Wilson: (back to huddle)  Ok, then we’re going to run the hook and ladder, Poutasi you ready to do some running.

Poutasi: This isn’t the play where I run down field and act like I’m lost is it.

Wilson:  No damnit, I’m going to throw a hook to Tweeter, that’s you this time DeVonte and he’ll lateral it to you.

DeVonte:  Why don’t we call it a hook and lateral then.

Wilson:  I’m the QB I name the plays.

Poutasi:  Maybe we should just run what coach calls.

Wilson:  No damnit, I’m the QB and we’re going to have some fun.

(they run the play which is a complete disaster ending with Poutasi falling on his face)

Whittingham:  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU.  FIRST THE OOOP DE FREAKIN OOOOP AND NOW THIS, GET YOUR ASS ON THE BENCH.  IF YOU SCREW UP MY 23 DISTRICT CHAMPIONSHIP I’LL PULL YOUR SCHOLARSHIP TO BROWN.

(at that point everyone stopped out of concern for the stress this season is putting on Coach Whittingham)