Mandi the Sorority Girl Picks the Pac-12


Mandi was 3-6 last week

*This week we will use the VI Consensus Line from Vegas Insider at the time of the writing of this column*

Sorry guys, I know Mandi didn’t do very well for you last week.  But the first week is real hard and stuff.  Can you forgive me?  Can I do anything to make you feel better?  Just let me know.

I promise I’ll work real hard to make you forgive and forget.

So let me get to this weeks picks.

Utah -7 1/2 at Utah St.

Ok things get a little easier here.  Utah St., like Washington St. means one thing, fat girls.  But unlike Washington St., whose fat girls can get drunk mean and angry, Utah St. fat girls are Mormon and looking for husbands, it means they always have to be nice.  Utah girls are looking for husbands as well but they’re much more attractive and willing to do what it takes to win.

USC -26 at Syracuse

Look we all know that USC girls are stuck-up bitches, like Arizona St. girls without STD’s and with money.  And I’ll admit it, I don’t know what a Syracuse is.  That generally means its a school full of ugly pasty white east coast girls.  I hate USC girls but they won’t lose to that.  Plus USC is the Trojans which can always be a girls best friend.

Southern Utah at Cal.

Is southern Utah where inbred people from Utah go?  I have no idea but they won’t beat the smart ugly girls in Berkley.

Sacramento St. at Colorado

Yes Colorado let me down last week.  Sometimes I should know better than to count on people who smoke that much pot.  But Sacramento St., I don’t even think that is a real school.  I think Colorado made it up so they could get at least one win.  And I think they will.  Hopefully

Eastern Washington at Washington St.

You never know how the fat girls at Washington St. are going to react, are they drunk, are they horny.  They are so confusing.  If I had ever heard of Eastern Washington I might be tempted to pick them.

Wisconsin -8 at Oregon St.

Wisconsin is the nations capital of beer drinking sausage eating fat girls.  If you have some sausage and want a fat girl to eat it, find a girl from Wisconsin.  On the other hand you have to feel bad for Oregon St.  They have a sister in Oregon who is hot, has all the best clothes and all the boys love her. Oregon St. wears glasses and is just hoping for a boy to feel her up.

Fresno St. + 34 1/2 at Oregon

Oregon is the reason why this picking stuff is so hard and Mandi gets so confused.  Oregon had the points and then stopped playing last week and then didn’t have the points.  I don’t understand.  So I’m taking the points.  It’s games like these that make me happy I’m pretty so I don’t have to study math like ugly girls do.  Still love the way you look Oregon.

Washington + 23 1/2 at LSU

*Editor’s Note: We try to show photos from the school of the team Mandi picks, but we only get so many chances to show the LSU Golden Girls*

Another game with a lot of points that is just hard.  You know I have mixed feelings about Washington, love Seattle, hate purple, love huskies, hate the pasty girls who think they are SOOO intellectual who go there.  And I know that all southern girls are willing to do whatever it takes to stay looking great.  But that means they’re an entire conference of Arizona St. girls who pretend like they aren’t.  I’ll take the cute puppies and the points.

Nebraska  -5 1/2 at UCLA

UCLA is full of smart cute girls and they have a cute little bear mascot.  But they also have an inferiority complex with USC girls because USC girls are sexier (also totally bitchier).  Nebraska sounds like a place where the women can totally beat up guys.  I’m guessing a way to describe a Nebraska girl would be Beefy.  Gotta go with the beefy gals.

Illinois +3 at Arizona St.

Because I hate those sluts at ASU, that’s why.

Oklahoma St. +10 1/2 at Arizona

Ok I think a safe rule for most of the country is that if a school has State in the title it means the dumber and uglier portion of that states fans go there.  That means that without a doubt that Arizona’s girls are cuter and smarter.  But it’s Oklahoma, which means you’re getting close to cousin mating and it being ok for girls to chew.  That will be too much for Arizona.

Duke +15 at Stanford

This one is confusing.  On one hand you have smart kids who aren’t good at football.  On the other hand you have the school that my Andrew went to, who seems to have returned to being smart kids who aren’t good at football.  They seem the same to me so I’ll take the points.