Pac-12 Football: An “Interview” With Steve Sarkisian

Hoyo’s Revenge (HR): Steve, can I call you Steve?  Thanks for sitting down with us.

Steve Sarkisian (SS):  What did Lane Kiffin have you call him?

HR:  What?

SS:  I know you’ve already talked to Lane before you talked to me, don’t pretend like you didn’t.

HR:  No, we did interview Lane Kiffin and he insisted we call him Mr. Kiffin.

SS:  Well at least you didn’t lie to me.  You can call me Steve, that seems cooler than what Lane Kiffin did.

HR: Thank You, Steve now…

SS (interrupting):  Before we start can I offer you a proposition?

HR:  Uhh… Sure?

SS:  I’m going to leave this envelope on the table and leave the room.  If you like what you see, how about you stop blogging about Utah and start blogging about Washington.

HR: Steve…

SS (interrupting again):  Between you and me this is a little recruiting trick I picked up from Lorenzo Romar.  I’m going to leave now.

(Steve leaves the room and inside the envelope is $10.  Steve Returns)

SS: Well?

HR: Thanks Steve but I’ll keep my current job.

SS:  Wow you Utah guys are generally some pretty cheap folks, live and learn.

HR: Can we get to the interview Steve?

SS:  I don’t know, what would Lane Kiffin have done here?

HR:  He’d have let me ask a question.

SS:  Well, I will to then.

HR: Since you took over at Washington, there seems to have been a lot of bluster from that program but not a ton of results?  Is this the year you break through.

SS:  Did Lane Kiffin tell you to say we were full of bluster?

HR:  No I was referring to things like the wolf wolf wolf tweets.

SS:  I’m proud to be at Washington, just like Lane Kiffin is proud to be at USC.  Aren’t I allowed to be as proud as Lane Kiffin.

HR:  Steve, you seem a little bit obsessed with Lane Kiffin.

SS:  What do you mean I’m obsessed with Lane Kiffin, I’m not obsessed at all with Lane.  Why did Lane say something about me?  He did didn’t he?  Tell me the truth, I knew he was talking about me.

HR:  He never mentioned you.

SS:  I don’t believe you.

HR:  Moving on Steve, do you think Washington has a realistic chance to catch up to Oregon football?

SS:  How dare you suggest that Washington is behind Oregon.  We’re simply not and I won’t hear anything else.  Despite the fact that we have to compete with Lane Kiffin in the South, and Oregon and all the slave labor Vietnam can offer, we’re still not behind them.  No one is better than Washington.  WOOF WOOF WOOF (at this point Steve sings Bow Down to Washington)

HR:  Steve, let me ask you about Norm Chow.

SS:  Who?

HR:  Norm Chow, your college coach at BYU who became your mentor at USC?

SS:  First, I don’t ever remember playing at BYU, I think I’d recall something as bad as that.  And how dare you suggest I ever needed a mentor or that any mentor I might have had was at USC.  Lane Kiffin did set this whole thing up didn’t he.  WHERE ARE YOU KIFFIN COME OUT HERE AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN.

HR: Steve, calm down.

SS:  DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN.  YOU COME OUT HERE AND SLANDER ME BY SUGGESTING I MIGHT HAVE PLAYED FOOTBALL AT BYU OR THAT I NEEDED A MENTOR LET ALONE A MENTOR FROM USC.  I’M STEVE SARKESIAN I AM THE UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON.  WOOF WOOF WOOF BOW DOWN TO SARKISIAN.

(at this point he storms out of the room singing BOW DOWN TO SARKiSIAN over and over).