We already have a total douche but a fun douche in Kiffikins at USC. Then we get Rich Rod in Tucson. Chip Kelly is a total nutjob in Eugene and now we add Mike Leach. Imagine this conversation.
Kiffin: 85 Scholarships, I don’t need 85 Scholarships you fucking pussies, I’m Lane Fucking Kiffin. BTW have you met my hot ass wife.
Kelly: Whatever, I call my offense with pictures.
Kiffin: Yeah I noticed when I was kicking your ass.
Kelly: Well, if Andrew Luck used pictures maybe you’d have beaten him too.
Kiffin: Fuck You fat boy.
Neuheisel: Hey guys mind if I hang out.
Kiffin: Sure, but go buy us some pizza, you’re used to being my bitch. (Neuheisel slinks away)
RichRod: I can’t wait to start kicking all your asses.
(Crowd Laughs)
Kelly: You know you’re the coach of Arizona right?
Leach: The Pirate is here. And lets face facts I’m going to be the king of this conference, I coached in the Big 12 for God Sakes.
(Group Laughs again)
RichRod: Jesus, you coach at Washington St. for God Sakes.
Leach: At least they’ve gone to a Rose Bowl, unlike Arizona
RichRod: Wait… WHAT?
Leach: Yeah dumbass, Arizona is all about hoops, enjoy polishing Sean Miller’s car.
Kelly: So Craig James got you fired, how lame must you be.
(Leach leaps at Kelly, pulling a large knife from under his jacket and puts the knife at Kelly’s throat)
Leach: If ANY OF YOU ever mention that name in my presence again, I will gut you and dance on your innards.
Kiffin: Lighten up Leach
Kelly: You lighten up Kiffy, tell us more about your time with the Raiders.
Kiffin: Shut up fat boy, where did you play college football again, thats right, NOWHERE, because your a sad little fat man who never wins bowl games and I bet you don’t have a hot ass wife.
(At this point Dennis Erickson walks in to bid everyone farewell and everyone starts doing shots)