Dear Jesus
We fans of the University of Utah have clearly offended you in some manner. Please understand that we recognize this. And while you have not smited us the way you have smited our little brothers to the south by sending them the anti-Christ in the form of Jake Heaps and convincing them that independence is a good thing, you have never the less sent a pestilence to us.
I am of course referring to the injury situation with our quarterbacks. This is now the seventh season we have not been permitted to have a healthy quarterback and I am finally asking what needs to be done to put an end to this.
You gave us a wonderful gift in Alex Smith. He was seemingly indestructible. But it has been so hard since then. You saw fit to tear Brian Johnson’s ACL. Brett Ratliff was even forced to sit once for Big Love Tommy Grady. Then Brian’s shoulder was crippled. And now you have sent us Jordan Wynn, whom you seem to have built out of the same material that our former QB Darnell Arceneaux was made.
Now lord I am not greedy, and I have thanked you numerous times for the glories of 2004 and 2008 and for deliverance from the desert of the Mountain West Conference to the fertile land of the Pac-12 with it’s swimming pools and movie stars. I understand how shameful it is that so many of our fanbase have begun to act like our little brothers to the south. But is bringing suffering to our quarterbacks truly the answer. Isn’t convincing our athletic director to hire Larry Krystkowiak punishment enough?
So dear Jesus, I am here to repent. Please explain how we have wronged you and I will make it my personal mission to correct it. And if you could give Travis Wilson the shoulders of Atlas that would be great.
And of course, world peace, feed the hungry etc…
In Jesus Name I Pray
AMEN