Master Debaters- East Bench Brad vs Larry from Lehi


(Editors Note: If you’ve spent time here at Crimson’s Corner you know Larry from Lehi.  We’d like you to introduce you to non-LDS Ute fan East Bench Brad.  Each week Brad and Larry will debate a topic or topics.  This week is, the future of the rivalry between BYU and Utah.  We will alternate who gets to start, based on a coin flip this week we start with Larry from Lehi.)

Larry being accosted by a Ute fan
Larry being accosted by a Ute fan /

Larry from Lehi (LL): It’s amazing how arrogant these stupid Yewts have become.  They spend 5 seconds in the Pac-12 and somehow they think they’re better than us.  Well I’ve got some news for you Yewts, you’ll never be better than us and you’ll always need us.  It’s BYU who doesn’t need to play the stupid Yewts anymore.  We don’t even get up for the game, it’s why all the games are close and Utah wins so many of them.  Besides, Utah doesn’t have a QB who will win the Heisman, just that girl Jordan Wynn.

PBR the official bear of East Bench Brad
PBR the official bear of East Bench Brad /

East Bench Brad (EBB): Oh Larry you’re such a typical Zoob.  Utah is in the Pac-12 now and you’re just jealous.  As a member of the Pac-12 we aren’t going to stoop to name calling.  That is something Zoobs do.  Although Jake Heaps should be called Jake Hypes and it turns out he suck donkey D!^K (note, per request of Larry, all swearing by Brad will be censored). Utah is in the Pac-12 now and it means we’re better than you, because we’re in the Pac-12.  Did I mention we’re in the Pac-12?

LL:  Stupid yewt, you’re the jealous ones.  Jake Heaps clearly is better than your girl Jordan Wynn.  I mean he has long hair so he’s clearly a girl.  Plus have you seen our defense, if it weren’t for the turnovers, our defense shuts you down.  You don’t have anyone as talented as Kyle Van Noy.  And don’t you go giving him a beer.

EBB: Shut up.  You know how you drive a Zoob insane, put up a sign that says free beer.  Hehehehehe, that never stops being funny.  And your defense sucks, we play way better defenses in the Pac-12.

LL: Why can’t you shut up about the Pac-12.  BYU is in a so much better position than being the doormat of the Pac-12.  We’re independent but fielding offers from the Big-12.  We might not go because we’ve given our word to the WCC.  Besides we always wanted to be independent and have been working on it for years.  Unless we decide to go Big 12.

EEB:  I’m not even sure what that meant but I’m on my fifth Bud Light, that I bought in Evanston because the Mormons won’t let me have real beer.  Well not Mormons who cheer for Utah, other Mormons, the bad Mormons… you know… whatever… PAC 12 PAC 12.

LL:  Plus what about the Gentlemen’s Agreement BYU and Utah had.  BYU is honest and ethical in all its business dealings.  Just ask our friends at Utah St. or in the Western Athletic Conference.  We were so honest with them until that meany Craig Thompson stepped in.  Besides we always wanted to be in the WCC unless the Big 12 calls.

EBB: I still don’t know what that means.  Everyone knows you Mormons cheat everyone in business.  Well not all Mormons, not Utah fan Mormons, DAMNIT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.  Did I say we’re in the Pac-12.

LL: Not to mention all you recruit are thugs and gang members, why would BYU want to associate with that.

EEB:  You mean how the only people who Bronco ever fires or ever get in trouble with the honor code are people of color?

LL:  HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST WE’RE RACIST.  It is not my fault that LDS kids from two parents homes are just better people.  And what is that people of color, you Politically Correct Democrat.

EEB: F#^K You

(At this point the two refused to continue the debate.  Tune in next week.)