(Editors Note: We were served with a court order from Utah Co. Judge L. Smoot Packard demanding that we mention BYU. The claim is that it is illegal in the state of Utah to discuss Ute Athletics without giving BYU as much or more time. Hence why Kall 700 THE VOICE OF THE UTES is now at least 51% BYU coverage. While we’re not based in Utah, our lawyers here at Crimson’s Corner tell us we don’t want to do battle with people who have an HD Truck. So we present our weekly column, Equal Time with Larry from Lehi)
Hello you stupid yewts. It came to the attention of BYU that you were here trying to make humor without mentioning BYU. Well I’ve been appointed to tell you that is impossible. Besides you guys are such loosers anyway. You think your so funny while you are all high on bear.
First you were probably going to try to not mention at all the amazing performance of Jake Heaps this weekend. While the Heisman voters are anti-mormon and will clearly ignore it, it was in my heart, the heart of Jake Heaps, the heart of Bronco Mendenhall and the hearts of BYU fans everywhere, a Heisman performance. First he completed 62% of his passes, which I believe is an NCAA record. Second, he threw deep passes. Your stupid girl QB Jordan Wynn didn’t throw deep passes, which means he sucks.
Next did you see how caring Jake is. He was trying to convert Ole Miss souls by throwing a touchdown for them as well. While the final numbers aren’t in yet, I’m sure 1000’s of baptisms have happened in the State of Mississippi. Hopefully we got that family from the movie where the rich white lady bought that big black kid and made him an offensive tackle.
But back too my point. You all are so obsessed with BYU that you were not even going to mention us in this blog. Well that isn’t going to happen. We’re going to be here each and every week to let you know about a few things.
1. How obsessed you are with us
2. Jake Heaps Heisman march
3. BYU’s march to the national title
4. How cool it is to have an HD Truck
5. How many conversions BYU football has made this season
Now go back to your beer, I have to run to the store to get my wife’s prozac.