Crimson’s Corner (CC): Coach, we’re happy that you gave us a few minutes to discuss your career and the upcoming season.
Coach Dennis Erickson (DE): Who the hell are you.
CC: I’m from Crimson’s Corner the internet blog, you agreed to an interview.
DE: I did, well as long as you’re buying, I’m talking, (shouts) Hey Bartender another Boilermaker and I want the good stuff this time.
CC: Coach, first I have to say, I’m not sure you remember but we’ve met before.
DE: Did I meet you at a tittie bar?
CC: No coach, I was 14 and you had just been named head coach at Wyoming.
DE: (throwing an empty shot glass at my head) BULLSHIT, I never would have coached at Wyoming.
CC: You did coach, 1986, said it was your dream job, left after a season.
DE: Well that sounds like me, but I sure as hell don’t remember. I used to drink a lot back then. I remember stopping in Rock Springs, WY once at a strip club called The Astro Lounge. I paid this big assed girl named Peggy to…
CC: Uhh Coach this is a family blog.
DE: (sitting with a strange smile) ….didn’t know you could do that with a potato
CC: Anyway coach, my dad took me to a Cowboy Joe Club event, I was big for a 14 year old, so you offered me a scholarship and gave me a beer. (editors note: this is a 100% true story, my father wouldn’t let me drink the beer)
DE: Beer must have been free at that thing huh?
CC: Uhh I guess, moving on, with all the scandals at Miami, were you aware of any wrongdoing while you were there.
DE: Hell no, I’m as clean as they come, a straight arrow, unless providing money and cars to players has suddenly become illegal.
CC: Coach that’s always been illegal.
DE: BULLSHIT, since when.
CC: Since always
DE: Because we’ve been paying the hell out of the guys at Arizona St. not that they’ve won shit. Guess I should call somebody or something (turns and shouts) ANOTHER DAMN BOILERMAKER.
CC: Coach let me ask you about your time at Idaho
DE: Damnit, you’re telling me I coached at Idaho too?
CC: Yeah, you remember, the AD was your best friend, you told him you’d help with fundraising and expansion of the Kibbie Dome and that would be your retirement job. Then you took the Arizona St job after one season, and didn’t bother calling your best friend, the Idaho AD until you were on the Arizona St. jet on the way to Tempe.
DE: Damn nice of me huh? Do you know how pricey it is to call from a jet?
CC: Uhhh yeah. Finally how do you expect your Sun Devils to do this year. Do you think you can win the South.
DE: Son are you some kind of stupid, we’re not in the South, we’re in the Pac-10.
CC: Coach the Pac-10 expanded, you’re now in the Pac-12 South with Colorado and Utah.
At this point Erickson tells me to have sexual relations with myself, wonders why no on tells him anything and stumbles off to his car.