So the holiday season is now upon us, and I thought now would be as good of a time as any to get into the spirit of the season. Thus, I must commence the festivities as only I can as I present to you and the good readers of Hoyos Revenge…The Airing of Grievances.
I’ve got a lot of problems with you people…
Let me be frank with you, dear readers. You all knew that Kansas State didn’t seem right at #1, didn’t you? Especially since Big XII 2.0 is now for all practical purposes the old WAC. Look at K-State’s schedule for a moment. What is their biggest win thisyear? A typically overrated Oklahoma squad? An exposed and average West Virginia? So of course, Baylor would be the team that shreds them. How else was that going to go down, that Texas beats them silly (which I’m guessing will happen anyway) so people won’t be cussing out Mack Brown?
(Speaking of Texas, which program screwed up their TV deal the most, Texas or BYU? At least BYUTV can be found on DirecTV…not sure who I want to laugh at more here…)
Then there‘s you, Stanford. Apparently, you didn’t get the memo that we must do whatever it takes to prevent the SEC from buying another title–which, let’s face it, that’s what the SEC does best. Auburn just happened to get caught (kind of), but aside from Vanderbilt, you all do it, you know you do it, and nobody has the testes to stop it. This is where college football needs a figure like Kenesaw Mountain Landis was in baseball after the Black Sox scandal. You get caught breaking a $20 for a recruit or a current player? 10 years probation! Go all the way to a “Cam Newton Down Payment”? Disband the program and make the fan base(s) and the studentstake a Maya Angelou course or go to an Oprah book club or something that isincredibly ancillary that won’t teach the little brats how to show up for work on time. Or just build an IKEA where the mighty stadia of the SEC once stood and watch the fur fly. I know IKEA shoppers. Some of my best friends are IKEA shoppers.
But yeah…burn in hell, Stanford! You just gave the Bama fan base another reason to be more obnoxious and full of themselves. They’re Yankee fans with southern accents. Never forget. And don’t you think I’ve forgotten about the 98 Final Four where you could have stopped Kentucky dead in their tracks.
While I‘m at it, for those of you who told me over the years (and you know who youare) “your Raiders will be immediately better once Al dies”, shut up. Get some duct tape, ear plugs and a blindfold and shut up, because two of the five senses you have are beyond your meager grasp. We’re giving up 375 yards per game on defense this year amounting to an average of 32 points per game. No thanks to Darren McFadden being hurt and returning to a zone blocking scheme, we now average 81 yards per game on the ground. All of this adds up in cash and prizes to a 3-7 record. 3-7 just doesn’t do it for me, and if it does for you, then you’re probably one of the people I knew in high school who had the old “Broncos Maniac” bumper stickers that KOA inDenver used to give out to people.
I’ve resigned myself to the fact that Donald Fehr, who was kind enough to negotiate on behalf of the NHL player’s union, will completely destroy this season of hockey for me, because that’s what Donald Fehr does. He helped destroy what would have been Matt Williams breaking Roger Maris’s home run record in 1994, so we wouldn’t have had to hear about Bonds‘s steroid use, and it wouldn’t have been an albatross around the Giants franchise, and it would have been amazing to see that record broken by a man who played half of his games at Candlestick. Since Fehr ruined that, why not ruin an entire hockey season for me? Quit ruining history, you jerk!
Just when I thought I’d heard it all, A’s Fan (over at their SBNation site, Athletics Nation www.athleticsnation.com) in the comments section of that particular placeactually wrote that the Giants want them to be “ethnically cleansed”. Wow. That officially tops anything I’ve ever heard from a BYU fan. It turns out they must not teach anything of importance in the political science department at Cal-State Hayward. Hey, A’s Fan, you used those words. I don’t think those words mean what you think they mean. At this point I’m begging for Phil Knight to get a wild hair, buy the A’s from Lew Wolff and John Fisher and move them to Portland so I never have to hear or read their whining snivel-fits ever again.
We’re Utes, and we hate coordinators. Only Saint Urban I rendered our hatred of coordinators and assistant coaches completely irrelevant. I’m scowling at you, Graduate Assistant Robert Conley! This is probably your fault somehow even if it isn’t. (And it definitely isn’t). I want in on this assistant-hating, by golly, and there’s nothing any of you can do about it. So there.
Larry has been spared from this year’s Airing of Grievances, because the holidays isn’t really the time to complain about him. That’s what Easter is for.
Feats of Strength to come.
To start with BYU, man I don’t and won’t ever get those guys. After all this came out that they’ve talked to the MWC and such and how their people say they don’t want to join anyone, I remain puzzled. For me, I need something to play for. I mean how do you run your team out there for 12 games for no reason other than to get to your predetermined Kraft Fight Hunger bowl, where you’re going unless you go undefeated, which is never happening. To me that is no way to live. But that combined with their ability to say they were on ESPN seems to be what makes them tick.
And the fact that I don’t get it is probably what the very difference is between our fans.
As for Kansas St., you had to feel at some point the wheels were going to come off there, just not at Baylor. While I like their old coach much more the Stew Morrill, I kind of think they go about doing things that create the illusion of a program. Although Bill Snyder isn’t a total chickenshit like Morrill.
Yeah Stanford winning that game pissed me off as well. I mean they all went to Stanford, which means they get the keys to the kingdom upon graduation, why the hell did they have to screw everything up for the rest of us. Kinda makes me want to cheer for UCLA, which would send Oregon to the Pac-12 title and lets face it, to the Rose Bowl.
But then I remember Oregon lost and so they can lick it too.
I think the final two points I’d like to make are…
1. Is there a dumber worse run sport than Hockey. I mean they should just make One Step Forward-Two Steps Back the official NHL anthem and MC Scat Cat their spokesman.
2. Man you have no idea how easy life is with Peyton Manning as your QB. I mean Elway was always sort of controlled chaos. But Manning, its like I’m genuinely surprised when we don’t score. And with the schedule the Broncos have, shall we just put the AFC Title Game in Denver. BTW, I’m sure someone perhaps you will want to remind me of Manning’s 9-10 playoff record. Well don’t I can’t hear you right now. That pain will come later.
THIS WEEKS MATCHUPS
Washington v Washington St. (Apple Cup)
Honestly, I can’t quite foresee a situation where Wazzu wins this one, besides Keith Price or Bishop Sankey getting hurt. But regardless of how bad this game may be, at least we aren’t in the midst of a potential hornets nest like WSU might be if more of his players follow in the spirit of Adam James. And let this be a lesson to us if and when Kyle ever leaves. If we’re going to throw money at a head coach, it might not be a bad idea to do some homework before hand.
Even is several members of the Husky team were caught beating Hope Solo, Wazzu isn’t winning this game. You know I used to defend Hope Solo, then she married former Husky Jerramy Stevens. Generally, I think women should prefer less rapey/assaulty guys that Stevens. But they’ll probably get a reality show. I would go on but I worry either you or many of our readers are asking, who is Hope Solo?
Arizona v Arizona St. (Territorial Cup)
I have to admit, I came away rather impressed with Arizona, especially on offense. They move up and down the field with relative ease, Kadeem Carey has the potential to score every time he touches the ball. It’s basically everything our offense isn’t. And since I believe the U of A ought to win this one–I’ve never been quite sold on ASU, beating our sorry selves notwithstanding–these two schools are every bit the measuring stick for the Utes that Oregon or USC is to be frank. The fact that both of them beat us troubles me.
Did you know that the University of Arizona has a bell from the actual Battleship Arizona that they ring after every victory? Except that they don’t ring it after the Arizona St. game or if they beat Northern Arizona for that matter because the bell represents everyone from Arizona. At least someone told me that
As for the game. I think if we could play ASU in November when they’ve had some injuries we’d be better off. ASU slumps, its what they do. As for this game, Scott and Ka’Deem Carey are too much.
Oregon v Oregon St. (Civil War)
With a crushing loss like last week’s, is it entirely out of the question to think that the Ducks could lose again? You would think that UO would simply be the better team and be done with it. You would think. I, for one, still can’t quite get over last Saturday’s events, so go right ahead and pick up where I left off.
What the hell after all that has happened this year, why not the Beavers, why not now. Either way it was a hell of a year for the kids in Corvallis
Stanford v UCLA
Typically, I try not to seem as though I’m favoring either opponent, but I’m making an exception this week. Go Bruins! Run up the score. Run it up to the full ‘hunnerd. Run it up on these uber-matriculating bastards for what they’ve done to college football. BURN IN HELL STANFORD!! (yeah, I’m still not over it).
You know, I didn’t think UCLA would be the ones to go big with a new coach. But seriously, how bad of a coach was Neuheisel that he had this kind of talent and his team underachieved that much. I’m glad Hermey the Elf gets to be a broadcaster now.
Notre Dame v USC
Back when I lived in Boise, their sports radio station in town had a host that was an actual USC grad–they have those apparently. He actually attempted to make the case that Notre Dame/USC is the best rivalry in college football because “it has not tied to any sort of geography”. I’m not sure if that’s the “Boise” talking or it’s the SC sense of self-importance talking, but it did make me wonder how this is a rivalry in the first place, other than both schools think very highly of themselves. I guess that’s enough to create a rivalry.
I know why this is a rivalry. Knute Rockne’s wife wanted to go to California on vacation. Now traveling to California was neither an easy nor cheap process before planes or highways. Plus I’m guessing Knute was a cheap bastard. So he booked this series so his wife could get a Southern California vacation every other year. This is actually fact.
As for this game. My wife if a good Catholic girl and Notre Dame fan. I always cheered for USC. And I’m a bit troubled how all BYUdom are suddenly Domers because of Manti Te’o. But here is the problem, Notre Dame losing this game means and all SEC title game, and the possibility that game would be a rematch of the Cocktail Party. Wow that would be awful.
Utah v Colorado
Nothing would thrill me more than to end the season on a high note and beat our rivals. I mean, they’re our rivals now, right? Let me put it to you another way. If this team can’t find a way to beat a very bad CU squad, I would recommend somebody that isn’t Kyle be fired. Perhaps the coaches will draw straws or thumb wrestle for their impending doom?
From like 1900 to 1962 when they went to the Big 8 and we went to the WAC, this game was called the Rumble in the Rockies. I’d really like this game to come back as I find CU fans dislikable. But yeah we really really need to win this game.