Feb. 25, 2012;Salt Lake City, UT, USA; Utah Utes head coach Larry Krystkowiak reacts to a referee

SHOCKING NEWS: Renan Lenz is Larry Krystkowiak's illegitimate son...


In a Hoyo’s Revenge exclusive, we have learned that Renan Lenz is in fact the son of Larry Krystkowiak.  Our suspicions first came about when we saw photos of both Lenz and Krystkowiak.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After careful examination by the Hoyo’s Revenge investigative team.  We are now able to blow the lid off of this amazing story.  It seems in late December 1989 early January 1990, Larry, who was playing for the Milwaukee Bucks,  took a few days off to visit his native Missoula, MT.  He was outdoors doing rugged outdoorsy things when he was kidnapped by a tribe of Sasquatch.  It seems all the males of this tribe had become sterile and they were kidnapping large human males and forcing them to mate with the Sasquatch females.

Most of the offspring of these forced matings looked like Sasquatch, but Renan, although he clearly moves like a Sasquatch, lacks much of the body hair.  Knowing he would never be accepted by the Sasquatch, they took the infant Renan and left him on the door step of a church in the Missoula area.  The church, aware of what was going on with the Sasquatch, sent the child to live with a family in Brazil hoping the secret would never be found out.

Larry had repressed this memory until he saw video of Renan playing and he played basketball like a cross between Larry and a Sasquatch.  Then the memories came flooding back and he knew he must have Renan on his team.

We here at Hoyo’s Revenge thought it was your right to know.  And no one else will bring you this cutting edge journalism.

Tags: Basketball Larry Krystkowiak Pac 12 Renan Lenz Sasquatch Utah Utes

  • GoJoeBruinUCLA

    LOL THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER.