I did something last night I don’t do a lot of, watch an entire SEC football game. I don’t watch a lot of SEC football because unless it involves Steve Spurrier or since Urban Meyer left it is boring as hell. Beyond boring.
Take the Bama-LSU game. Yeah, I suppose if you surround anything with 90,000 people screaming and doing weird dances (what are all those dances anyway LSU fans) it has a certain amount of entertainment. But don’t tell me that was good football. In the first half, LSU couldn’t catch. And Alabama’s best skill appeared to be being able to run both right and left.
Thank God for Five Hour Energy.
In the second half, Bama’s amazing defense couldn’t stop a roll out and AJ McCarron was a crappier version of Jon Hays.
But the media folks took to twitter and the airwaves last night, and I’m sure today, telling us that is what great football is supposed to look like. PLUH EEESE. Oregon and USC trading touchdowns is what modern football is supposed to look like. Bama-LSU is like watching a fuzzy screen in 1973.
But the worst of the SEC Tyranny came when several media folks, who actually have Heisman Votes suggested that AJ McCarron should possibly be a candidate even win the thing. Did they watch the game? McCarron is terrible. First he has those weird male Bama bangs that far too many males from Alabama wear.
And seriously males of Alabama, what the hell is this look. Do your mothers do this too you and you’re too stupid not to get a different hair cut when you turn 13? Do the women of Alabama find this attractive or are there just no other choices?
But let me get back to McCarron. He spent the first half handing off. He was piss poor for most of the 2nd half. He completed a couple of passes against a very soft zone. AND THEN THE DAMN HEISMAN WINNING PASS THE ONE THAT HAS THE SPORTS WRITERS ALL GAH GAH. A SCREEN PASS AN EFFING SCREEN PASS. ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME.
Let me ask you Pac-12ers, which of you would trade your QB for AJ McCarron. Because I wouldn’t trade our true freshmen. I suspect only the folks in Boulder are raising their hands.
So Bama can lick it. LSU can really lick it for losing that game. The rest of the SEC can lick it and so can anyone who buys into the glorious greatness myth that sports writers are trying to sell us. Everywhere you hear SEC nonsense, STAND UP TO IT.
Stand with me now. Scream from the highest mountain tops. The SEC is boring and I’m not going to watch anymore. Until Oregon lights their ass up in the title game. And we all know Saban from his comments about fast paced offenses, is running scared.