Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Washington St. (featuring Raider Ute)
Editors Note: Raider Ute of Thursdays With Raider fame makes his debut telling us about Washington St. So enjoy or direct all your cards and letters to Raider Ute c/o Hoyo’s Revenge.
Before I turn the bulk of this weeks Everything over to Raider, I wanted to tell you how a typical conversation goes between a Wazzu Alum living in Western Washington and their child whom they want to attend Wazzu.
Parent: Son I really think you should considering Washington St.
Son: Why dad, all my friends who are going to Washington say it’s awful, even my friends who couldn’t get into Washington and are going to Western and Central Washington say it’s awful.
Parent: It’s because they’re jealous, they’ll never get a real college experience. Pullman was the best time of my life. Lots of fun and a really good education too.
Son: Are you sure?
Parent: You are my son I would not lead you astray.
Son: OK, I will only apply to Washington St. then.
Wazzu acceptance letter comes and father and son travel to Pullman.
Son: Dad it seems really awful.
Parent: Yeah I don’t remember it being so bleak.
Son: And were all the girls so fat when you went here
Parent: I don’t remember it like that
And then Parent has the stunning realization that during his time in Pullman, the drinking age in Idaho was 18 and he spent 4 years drunk. Realizing that his Son will likely do the same, only receive several MIP’s and DUI’s in the process, he says only one thing.
Parent: I’m sorry son, you can transfer to Central Washington next year.
AND NOW RAIDER UTE
–The Washington state legislature picked Pullman as the location for the then Washington Agricultural College in 1890. The school motto became: “the best way to ensure your parents don’t come to visit you at college”.
–Forbes magazine ranked Washington State 457th in their college rankings while they sit at 115th in the US News and World Report rankings. They get killed with the computers due to the “No Farms, No Food” bumper stickers on people’s pickups.
–At night in Pullman, its not uncommon to hear screams of “I wish I got accepted to Gonzaga!”
–WSU is also the alma mater of Warriors guard Klay Thompson, who will probably be traded to the Wizards in a few years for a couple of over the hill forwards while Joe Lacob says to the media in the Bay Area “hey, look at all the cap room we created!”
–I’m just getting mad about it now instead of later. Much easier that way.
–Legend has it that Washington and the Oregon schools schemed to kick Wazzu out of the PAC in the early 60s. Stanford stood up for the non-Zoob Cougs and they stayed.
(*writes “Be Nice To Stanford” on a piece of paper*)
–Wazzu’s mascot is Butch T. Cougar, because, let’s face it, its highly likely that a person will run into multiple people named Butch in Eastern Washington.
–WSU’s most distinguished alum is probably Edward R. Murrow, which further proves my theory that one can’t avoid working in broadcasting without meeting a Syracuse, Mizzou or Wazzu grad. It’s the circle of life.
–Ryan Leaf. I just typed that to see how many Charger fans I can annoy.
–Pullman’s main export is alcoholism. Or Highway 195 depending on the time of year.
–Contrary to popular belief, its not true that all dirt roads lead to Pullman. Its just that only two things come from a paved road: steers & Huskies.
–Most of this may or may not be true.