Editors Note: I was looking at the calender and I saw how very far away Utah Football seemed. So I thought I’d start doing game by game previews and predictions for the teams we’re playing. Doing one each Monday, by the time I get to Colorado, we’ll be at fall practice. As always these are for entertainment purposes only please no wagering, unless of course you really want to.
Game Three: Utah vs BYU September 15, 2012
BYU for those of you who don’t know is a school in Provo, Utah. It has nearly 30,000 undergrads, almost all of whom look, talk, dress and think alike. They also all went there hoping to get married as soon as possible because they are very very horny and do not believe in having pre-marital sex. They also enjoy parties with ice cream and cheese. And they seem, as a fan base, to get angry very easily despite the complete absence of alcohol. Also their mascot is the Cougar. I’m curious if anyone knows why?
OFFENSE: This is a bit of a strange preview because you can generally look to a schools spring practice to see where they might be going in the fall. It seems as if BYU’s whole team was injured and thus their coach Bronco Mendenhall decided to take everyone to the water park everyday. Which oddly led to more injuries. So there will be a bit of guess work involved. The latest greatest BYU QB Riley Nelson (the biological son of Charles Nelson Riley seen here) This is after their future two time Heisman Winner Jake Heaps decided he could do more good for the LDS Church playing in Kansas. When Riley took over, BYU started winning and we’re all sure it had nothing to do with BYU entering the Idaho portion of the schedule. Something called Taysom Hill might run the wildcat. As for the rest of the offense, BYU couldn’t run the ball and I don’t see why they will this year, not against a good defense anyway. Their receivers also don’t strike fear into the hearts of men.
DEFENSE: I suppose I could bother to learn the names of many of BYU’s defense, but then why waste the time. There is one player on that team, Kyle Van Noy. When he’s not drinking Wild Turkey straight or with a caffeinated Coke to be doubly naughty, he is a player. And if BYU had a couple of more guys like him, I would be scared. But they don’t so I’m not.
PREDICTION: The best thing SLC radio guy David Locke ever said was to call BYU, Barometer University. BYU isn’t a great team, but they aren’t last in the WAC either. If you’re a good team you should beat them. And Utah is a very good team. Second a real pattern has developed in the Holy War. BYU has to be considered the significantly better team to have a chance at winning. Remember, BYU hasn’t had a blowout win in this rivalry since 1996 and they’ve been taken to the wire in EVERY victory since then. If Utah is considered the better team, the Utes will win and quite possibly blow out the Cougars. Is there a person on the planet who thinks BYU is the better team this year? Is there anyone who doesn’t think Utah is significantly better?
SO HOW WILL IT GO: It will be close early with BYU playing hard in this final Holy War. Utah will start to open things up at the half and will spend most of the second half feeding on the things lacking from Riley Nelson’s game. The Utes and their fans will spend most of the fourth quarter smiling as this one will not be in doubt. Ute fans will rush the field, something BYU fans will use to make themselves feel better.
As for what BYU fans will be feeling after the game
Utah 55 BYU 17