Last Week: 3-2
Hi guys, no woo today, Mandi is sad. Despite all my best efforts, I still don’t have a date to the homecoming semi-formal. I worry that I’m just too hot and guys are intimidated by me. Either that or those Arizona St. whores are taking all the decent guys by doing anything if you just buy them a shot. Bitches. But if you’d like to take me to the dance, just Facebook me.
But you guys didn’t come here to hear about my life. Like it has been explained to me, you love these picky things and need Mandi’s help. Mandi is nothing if not a giver. I was 3-2 last week all because 1) those sluts at Arizona St. just wanted me to look bad AND 2) My compassion and love for the endangered Buffalo overwhelmed me. Ohio St. is full of Nebraska’s (A Nebraska is a fat girl who needs cake for those of you not reading last week). And there is nothing more frightening than standing between a fat girl and cake. I think I’ve learned my lesson and I’ll totally do better this week. Love you guys the most.
Anyhoo, I was still 3-2 last week, and that’s like still not losing, so you should be happy. So let me do some pick thingies for you.
Arizona +13.5 at USC
Look those USC bitches screwed me over in The Whore Bowl last week vs Arizona St. AND I AM NOT GOING TO FORGET IT. Plus Mandi doesn’t like Trojans at all, I’m more of a Durex kind of gal. And kitties are just too cute.
Colorado -3.5 vs Washington St.
I care just so much about the environment and animals, I just can’t not love the Buffaloes. Plus Washington St. is just fat girls. But not the scary Nebraska kind of fat girl, Washington St. is full of lonely fat girls hoping fraternity guys without dates call them after 11 PM. I have to go with my Buffaloes.
Arizona St -18.5 vs Oregon St.
Those Arizona St. bitches totally screwed me over last week. And they are playing a bunch of dirty hippie unshaven lesbians from Oregon who even call themselves the Beavers. Leave it to the Arizona St. C-words (Mandi is too nice of a girl to use THAT word) to pick this week to buy some flannel, Doc Martens and pretend they are all lezzy. Those whores will eat a ton of Beaver this week and then head right back to their boyfriends next week. Bitches.
Stanford -20.5 vs UCLA
Dear Andrew Luck:
Despite all my hard work you have still not called me. So I’m going to have to be a little more forceful about this. I’m not saying you’ll get lucky if you call Mandi, but lets face facts, if you call Mandi, you’re getting lucky. Call me Andrew. And of course, Rick Neuheisel sucks.
Washington +8 at Utah
Look Seattle is super cool, and Utah is probably the opposite of cool. Plus I totally love Huskies and no one will even tell me what a Ute is. In addition to that I look FANTASTIC in purple. All the signs are quite clear in this one. Not to mention, I went on a date once when I was 18 with a Mormon guy who had just come home from something called a mission, and he proposed to me half way through dinner. Just creepy.
Well that’s all for this week. If you want to ask Mandi out, or can get me in touch with Andrew Luck. You know where to find me.
Topics: Arizona, Asu, Chip Kelly, Dennis Erickson, Gambling, Jeff Tedford, Jon Enbry, Lane Kiffin, Mike Reilly, Mike Stoops, Oregon, Oregon St., Pac 12, Pac12, Paul Wulff, Point Spreads, Rick Neuheisel, Stanford, Steve Sarkesian, Sun Devils, Ucla, Usc, Utah, Utes, Washington, Wazzu